Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Man Time and Girls Night

So the other night I joined my roommate and several of his co-workers to watch UFC 121. It was a testosterone fueled evening full of good food, quality entertainment and plenty of dudes yelling at the TV. Everything about the night was a celebration of all things man from the food, to the fights on tv and even the company. I’m a freestyle motocross rider (well, use to be) and these guys spend long hard days scaling power poles in the hot sun. Manly guys getting together to fellowship with other men.

The guy who hosted us all for the evening has a wife and two kids who spent the evening at a relative’s house. They returned late that night as the fights were wrapping up and she was excited to see that we all very much enjoyed our evening. She was delighted to sacrifice her (very nice) home for the evening to let her husband and a group of his buddies have a little fun.

I don’t know this couple at all but judging by the interaction that I observed between them, this woman gets it. She understands that a little time away from the responsibilities of home to be a guy and be with other guys was good for him. It energized him. It allows him a few moments to celebrate being a man with other men and I would venture, gives him the fill-up that he needs to continue loving her and taking care of his family as a man should.

I say she “gets it” because I think all to often, men aren’t celebrated or allowed the opportunity to simply be men. (Perhaps that’s where the ball and chain jokes come in at bachelor parties?) Certainly a man has responsibilities when he gets married and his family must be at the top, but all too often rather than granting the freedom for a man to spend some time with his friends, he’s ridiculed for even suggesting it and is seldom if ever afforded the opportunity. A man needs this time and this particular wife realizes that.

Now before you ladies go hating on me or stop reading, don’t. Because just as much as I believe men need this free time away from home to be with other men, I think women need this time away from kids, cooking, cleaning, work and any of the other tasks that fill up their day.

My question to the guys reading is this, when’s the last time you offered to take the kids out just to give your wife an evening at home alone? Or better yet, when’s the last time you played babysitter so she could go have a night out with her girlfriends? The argument I would expect to hear is, “well I’ve been busy working all day providing for this family.”

Indeed, you have. And so has she though likely her contribution, while probably not monetarily, is just as great and taxing as yours. She’s quite possibly been changing diapers, giving baths, wrangling kids around grocery stores, folding laundry, cleaning house etc etc etc. (I’m just throwing things out so if I offend any feminist readers, please forgive me) She’s tired too. She wants time to herself or a weekend away with the girls just as bad as you want your man time.

I wonder how much more open the typical wife would be to giving her husband a night or weekend away with the guys if she herself had more time to be with women? We are wired for fellowship and there is something about a woman being with women and a guy being with other guys that cannot be replaced. It energizes us. After all, the world knows we handle emotions and communication along with a million other things differently.

I can think of a whole host of excuses that both men and women would give for not providing this opportunity for each other but like everything in life, we make time for the things that are important to us. What if giving her a night out with her girlfriends twice a month, shoot make it once a month, (probably more than she’s getting now) became something of importance to me as a husband? I’m willing to bet she’d be so blessed by my effort and refreshed by her time with other women that she would jump at the chance to give me an opportunity to get away with my buddies.

I’m speaking in the future tense of course because I’m not married, but to those that are, doesn’t that make sense? Sure it will take time, planning and effort when you probably are exhausted and really don’t want to spend the evening finger painting with your toddler, changing diapers etc. But if it benefits you in the long run, wasn’t your night of sacrifice a small cost to pay in order to 1) bless your wife by giving her a much needed break and 2) give you an opportunity to go be with your buddies?

So how to get there. We’re busy, she’s busy, schedules never seem to coincide so even if we are willing to make that sacrifice so she can spend some time resting and recuperating, how on earth do we make it happen? Fellas, here’s another opportunity to shine; make it happen for her.

Scour the calendar for an open weekend or figure out which night she’s most often free (you live with her for goodness sake). Make it exciting, buy her a card and put a coupon inside good for “a weekend away” or a girl’s night out, paid in full. Get CRAZY and book her a day/weekend at a spa. I hear chicks love that stuff! If you pay for it in advance, it’ll be all the more special to her.

“Well I don’t have the money to be doing that.” Good point, it’s only your marriage your sewing into…not to mention YOUR overall happiness too because I’m willing to bet she’ll come back reenergized and you’ll reap the benefits in more ways than one.

I’m not saying do this so you get something in return, but the truth of the matter is, you probably will. Marriage is kinda like a team sport, both parties work together at this game called life in hopes of scoring the goal at the end. We help each other out, support one another and sometimes that means going out of our way to make extra time for them to do what make them happy.

How much different would marriage in America be today if we actually went out of our way to give our spouse an opportunity to do those things that truly make them happy and feel refreshed?


  1. I completely agree! I know I'm not married yet, but I am dating; and I always encourage Jordan to do things with his friends and take time for himself. I know you'll be a great helper for some lucky lady someday, Seth!

  2. Hello Seth, while we don't know each other and have never met I ran across you via mutual "internet" friends. In reading several of your posts about guys and gals which I am offended by, because of your assumptions made about women. Because I don't know you maybe I am miss reading this, but much of your writing suggests women have a place, and in your mind, that seems to be taking care of kids, cleaning, and cooking. I surely do hope that you aren't a man who believes in "traditional" gender roles, but the language used suggests you do.

    Before you meet a nice girl please rethink the very conservative views you have about men and women. While writing about relationships in the future(because you seem to write about it often) please be careful to not make assumptions about women and how they want to be, or should be treated.

    Thank you in advance for hearing my thought and letting it sit within you.