Monday, April 5, 2010

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Of all the fruits of the spirit, patience seems to be the one God wants me to practice the most. It was a painful, stretching, and trying time waiting many years for this opportunity to move to California and now that I'm here, I again find myself waiting. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for but I continue to ask God to bring about whatever is next.

It was an exciting adventure and a new step of faith going on that 3 week excursion and being able to do my first freestyle shows. Since returning in mid February I've worked very hard at polishing my tricks and adding a few touches to make them all the more exciting. I'm very comfortable in the air and based on what I've seen, have a sufficient enough bag of tricks to move forward in this sport...and yet I'm waiting. For nearly 6 weeks now I've been waiting for a call do go and "ride again." I've struggled with understanding God's reasoning in taking me to the mountaintop of excitement and success with that last tour, only to let things seemingly run dry since then. I feel that I'm ready to go, eager to continue on this path, yet the ability to do shows i.e. being booked for them, does not lie in my hands. I'm dependent upon others for this opportunity thus making it out of my control. Control has always been a struggle for me as I so readily like to be in control of my life. No doubt God is again teaching me to relinquish control over my situation as well as my life as a whole. According to His word He "has all the days ordained to me" already. I need not worry, just take them as they come trusting that He will supply all my needs. This is where I struggle.

My mentor in college thought it was amusing that I'm always ready for the next thing. In my current situation that would be that of making money and better establishing myself. I continue to live in the guest room of our company owner, who remains extremely generous, yet I can't help but feel like I'm in his space. I don't want to be a burden to anyone and I'm eager to support myself. That said, I can't do that in this profession without riding shows. I rely on others to book those shows, thus, my desire to more fully support and establish myself is out of my control. There in lies the problem. I'm trying daily to surrender my situation to God and "lean not on my own understanding." For I surely don't understand the hold up, or why I'm sitting here, spending most days looking for things to do. Not that I'm sitting around doing nothing, I simply FEEL as though I'm not doing anything productive to improve my situation and better establish myself.

I may have brought this on myself. I heard once that when you ask God for more patience or deeper faith, He doesn't zap you with more faith, but rather provides opportunities to practice being patient. I've prayed for a deeper faith and this may very well be Gods way of taking my faith to a greater level. None the less, my goal as I have an increased amount of free time is to write. I feel I need an outlet for my walk with the Lord and writing gives me some sense of sharing what I'm learning or at least what I'm thinking so I'm going to attempt to be more faithful in keeping this blog updated with my daily musings about this journey that I'm on.

My apologies if this is all over the map. Lots is coming to mind and its hard to be brief. In a nut shell I've been waiting on opportunities to do more shows. In the mean time my roomate and I have gotten into racing a little. We made a trek to Lake Havasu Arizona for a WORCS race which was an exciting time. I was pleased with my performance and look forward to doing more of this in the future. You can join me in praying for whatever God has next. I'm eager to move forward from this place I find myself. Not physically as I'm SO excited to be here in Temecula, but to begin actually moving forward to establish myself where I am, and not be so dependant upon the generosity of others.

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